woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
