Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
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I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
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Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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