Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
