Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
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But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
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Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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