Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
