dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
