Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
