she was so not down for the gang bang
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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