Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
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i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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