i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
