Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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