And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
