I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
