How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
