i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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