i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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