he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
