so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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