We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
