I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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