I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
