I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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