Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
