You just made me feel so damn special
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
