shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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