Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
