She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
