my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
