Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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