I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
