OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
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I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
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The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus