im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
