You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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