Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
