I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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