UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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