you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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