Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
