Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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