we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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