p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
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you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
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He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Dicks are not precious.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize