Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
