Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
