Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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