I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
