I just pynch a tree in the face
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
