You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
