hotel room ftw
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
