Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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