Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
