she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
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when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
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Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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