Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
