WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
