Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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