Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
