awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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