My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
