Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
