I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
