It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
