i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
its not stalking. its research.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
