I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
