4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize