i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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