she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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