Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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