hotel room ftw
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
