i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
