I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
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