take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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