Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
