I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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