I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i will never coherently bang her
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
